letnja_kisha: (Default)
http://shanghaiist.com/2011/01/10/tales_of_a_chinese_daughter_on_the.php

"There's a reason why Asian Americans - and especially Asian American girls - have the highest depression and suicide rates out of any ethnic/gender combination in the United States. There's a reason why "28% of Asian American high school students reported depressed feelings serious enough to disrupt their usual activities, 19% reported making a suicide plan, and 11% reported making at least one suicide attempt."

"I've seen and known firsthand the kind of people who've come out of Amy Chua's method of parenting and while some have turned into happy, successful people later on, it was usually because they managed to sort through the trauma of their childhood... not because of it."

"There are too many who go through this and turn out to be socially inept and emotionally stunted, and who end up burning out in spectacularly violent ways."

"There have been enough studies done on how damaging the Asian American experience is to point out why the thought that people might actually be convinced of Chua's superiority is so very, very frightening."

"I could respond with stories of the numerous friends I have who are estranged from their parents - how one of my relatives chose specifically not to go to her father's funeral. But whatever, his strictness just brought out her potential, right?"

"Oh wait, here's a study on how pressure actually negatively affects prior ability for Asian students. And here's a bonus one about the difference between parental "pressure" and parental "guidance" in determining psychosocial problems amongst Korean youth. Guess which one leads to more problems?"

"My big sister was what I used to jealously call "every Asian parents wet dream come true" (excuse the crassness, but it really does sum up the resentment I used to feel towards her). She got straight As. Skipped 5th grade. Perfect SAT score. Varsity swim team. Student council. Advanced level piano. Harvard early admission. An international post with the Boston Consulting Group in Hong Kong before returning to the U.S. for her Harvard MBA. Six figure salary. Oracle. Peoplesoft. Got engaged to a PhD. Bought a home. Got married.

Her life summed up in one paragraph above.

Her death summed up in one paragraph below."

Receiving

Aug. 24th, 2010 09:11 am
letnja_kisha: (Default)
The way most of us are raised, receiving is considered a weakness.

Credit

Aug. 23rd, 2010 12:50 pm
letnja_kisha: (Default)
"You know, you can get a lot of good done in this world if you don't care who gets the credit."
letnja_kisha: (Default)
The willingness to win or lose moves us out of an adversarial relationship to life and into a powerful kind of openness. From such a position, we can make a greater commitment to life. Not only pleasant life, or comfortable life, or our idea of life, but all life.
letnja_kisha: (Default)
A patient once told me that he had tried to ignore his own suffering and the suffering of other people because he had wanted to be happy. Yet becoming numb to suffering will not make us happy. The part in us that feels suffering is the same as the part that feels joy.
letnja_kisha: (Default)
What we do to survive is often very different from what we may need to do in order to live.

Intimacy

Aug. 22nd, 2010 10:20 am
letnja_kisha: (Default)
At the heart of any real intimacy is a certain vulnerability. It is hard to trust someone with your vulnerability unless you can see in them a matching vulnerability and know that you will not be judged. In some basic way it is our imperfections and even our pain that draws others closer to us.
letnja_kisha: (Default)
Objectivity separates us from the life around us and within us.

If we fear loss enough, in the end the things we possess will come to possess us.

Pain

Aug. 21st, 2010 04:42 pm
letnja_kisha: (Default)
In avoiding all pain and seeking comfort at all cost, we may be left without intimacy or compassion; in rejecting change and risk we often cheat ourselves of the quest; in denying our suffering we may never know our strength or our greatness. Or even that the love we have been given can be trusted.
letnja_kisha: (Default)
We put labels on life all the time. "Right," "wrong," "success," "failure," "lucky," "unlucky," may be as limiting a way of seeing things as "diabetic," "epileptic," "manic-depressive," or even "invalid." Labeling sets up an expectation of life that is often so compelling we can no longer see things as they really are. This expectation often gives us a false sense of familiarity toward something that is really new and unprecedented. We are in relationship with our expectations and not with life itself.

Like a diagnosis, a label is an attempt to assert control and manage uncertainty. It may allow us the security and comfort of a mental closure and encourage us not to think about things again. But life never comes to a closure, life is a process, even mystery. Life is known only by those who have found a way to be comfortable with change and the unknown. Given the nature of life, there may be no security, but only adventure.

Perfection

Aug. 21st, 2010 04:32 pm
letnja_kisha: (Default)
Few perfectionists can tell the difference between love and approval. Perfectionism is so widespread in this culture that we actually have had to invent another world for love. "Unconditional love," we say. Yet, all love is unconditional. Anything else is just approval.
letnja_kisha: (Default)
Judgment does not only take the form of criticism. Approval is also a form of judgment. When we approve of people, we sit in judgment of them as surely as when we criticize them.

It is not an either/or world. It is a real world.

Freedom

Aug. 20th, 2010 09:48 pm
letnja_kisha: (Default)
The choice people have to make is never between slavery and freedom. We will always have to choose between slavery and the unknown.

The path

Aug. 20th, 2010 11:21 am
letnja_kisha: (Default)
Not knowing where you are going creates more than uncertainty; it fosters a sense of aliveness, an appreciation of the particulars around you. It wakes you up much in the same way that illness does.

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